The opportunity we have had to serve in Springfield has really helped my family! At first, the younger three, were not at all interested in all the "work!" But they have come around. They definitely don't have the patience or strength to work for 3-4 hours like J and I do, but they do an awesome job every time!
I'm really grateful for the people who are letting us come into their yards and help out. I have wanted to do something for our community since we moved in. I have tried with the PTO and other school stuff, and it was just so unfulfilling! The people were either not interested in receiving help or not interested in new idea's. So I went to the library and they don't have a volunteer program for adults, just teens. I also tried the YMCA, they are all paid positions. Where the heck was I going to volunteer! I did what I could with my photography, mostly teaching classes at church, because they were the only ones who seemed interested in my talent.
But now, after a tragedy, I have something I can do! It's not my favorite thing to do, cleaning up trees, smashed garages, roofing tiles, gutters, glass, bird houses- one occupant I found didn't make it through, etc. But I tell you what! I have never been able to pick up such huge pieces of wood! These logs are various sizes, but I find that I always have the energy to lift and carry them as far as I need to go. And they aren't nearly as heavy as I think they should be. I feel like there are Angels helping with the clean up. Every time I lift a branch over my head to throw it on a pile that is 5ft high, or carry a log 30ft to the street, I know that I'm not doing it alone. There is no way I am physically capable of doing that.
And the kids are really enjoying helping. They love to play with the other children and compete to see who can carry more branches. They love seeing the home owners smiling, grateful faces. Even the dog behaved when we brought her. Normally, she'd bark at new people, but the time we took her, she was quiet and sat on the lap of the homeowners son who is in a wheel chair, making that boy feel special.
A true family effort!
Alas, there is still more to do. But we will enjoy it! How could we not!?!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Auction
We have tried everything we can do, but we are stuck. The house sells tomorrow. Some unlucky person is going to buy this house and is going to have to deal with us living in it for a short time. As well as all the problems with this monster. I hope to move sooner than later, but it is what it is. Part of me wants to cry and another part want to sing.
Jason spoke to a job recruiter and the recruiter mentioned that there are plenty of jobs available in Utah. And that he suspects Jason should actually make MORE than what we do now! It's shocked and hopeful, but I won't get my expectations up, that's when I seem to get cocky and the Lord humbles me soon after.
We are putting all our faith and trust in God. He is the one that is going to make this work. I am so afraid of moving out there! I know all my Utah friends and family might not like this, but these are MY feelings! And you have a right to be offended. I'm sorry if you are though. I HATE the idea of moving to Utah! I want my kids to experience so many things, and not one of them is being saturated in "Mormon culture." I know there are good people everywhere, I just hope my kids are able to find them. I HATE having to trust other people's kids to behave! I know my kids friends here are good kids, I know the parents are good. But out there....unknown! My fear is that 'they' might just putting on airs to pretend that 'they' are "good Mormons" and then I let me guard down and BAM! I found out I shouldn't have been so trusting! Please, don't think I think I'm perfect, or even a "good Mormon", I try my best, and that's what matters. So maybe I have no reason to worry.....
My fear is more based in the teenagers, not the adults. Teenagers who party on Saturday night and in white shirts on Sunday morning. What if my kids get into that crowd, the "No one will know", "It's not hurting anyone", "We all do it" crowd. Do I trust my kids, not really. Do I trust other people's kids, not on my life! I know kids are going to try things, do things, need to cut apron strings. But out here, in MA, we have a moral/religious connection that helps bind us. When everyone else has the same moral/religious inclinations, then I'm afraid it will be that much easier for the kids to let those binds loosen.
Maybe I worry too much. But, I don't think so. My goal is to maintain my strong family connections. With in our immediate, but also with the extended family. Whether we do so through vacations, phone calls, or Skype. I think if I keep my family strong then we will do fine. But I relax on family stuff, then they will suffer.
Jason spoke to a job recruiter and the recruiter mentioned that there are plenty of jobs available in Utah. And that he suspects Jason should actually make MORE than what we do now! It's shocked and hopeful, but I won't get my expectations up, that's when I seem to get cocky and the Lord humbles me soon after.
We are putting all our faith and trust in God. He is the one that is going to make this work. I am so afraid of moving out there! I know all my Utah friends and family might not like this, but these are MY feelings! And you have a right to be offended. I'm sorry if you are though. I HATE the idea of moving to Utah! I want my kids to experience so many things, and not one of them is being saturated in "Mormon culture." I know there are good people everywhere, I just hope my kids are able to find them. I HATE having to trust other people's kids to behave! I know my kids friends here are good kids, I know the parents are good. But out there....unknown! My fear is that 'they' might just putting on airs to pretend that 'they' are "good Mormons" and then I let me guard down and BAM! I found out I shouldn't have been so trusting! Please, don't think I think I'm perfect, or even a "good Mormon", I try my best, and that's what matters. So maybe I have no reason to worry.....
My fear is more based in the teenagers, not the adults. Teenagers who party on Saturday night and in white shirts on Sunday morning. What if my kids get into that crowd, the "No one will know", "It's not hurting anyone", "We all do it" crowd. Do I trust my kids, not really. Do I trust other people's kids, not on my life! I know kids are going to try things, do things, need to cut apron strings. But out here, in MA, we have a moral/religious connection that helps bind us. When everyone else has the same moral/religious inclinations, then I'm afraid it will be that much easier for the kids to let those binds loosen.
Maybe I worry too much. But, I don't think so. My goal is to maintain my strong family connections. With in our immediate, but also with the extended family. Whether we do so through vacations, phone calls, or Skype. I think if I keep my family strong then we will do fine. But I relax on family stuff, then they will suffer.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Struggling...
Sometimes you find yourself in a tough situation and you just don't know what the best thing to do is. That is, obviously, where I find myself.
I have my family that I have to look out for, care for, watch over and pray for. And I have Ben, too. Many tell me that I was a fool for taking him in, a fool for letting him stay so long and a fool for accepting him as family. And in some ways, I agree. But in most ways, I disagree. Our experiences are what make us stronger, struggles make us into better people, learning empathy is mandatory for a Christ like life.
It appears that Ben didn't learn much from living with us. Definitely not empathy. But he did teach us a lot, which I am grateful for. The kids have said, "If I start to act like Ben, hit me and tell me, and I'll stop!" I don't think there will be any hitting going on, but I think Taylor has learned to be less selfish because of his stay. The other kids are younger, so they probably won't remember how difficult it was living with him.
In a way, I feel like I failed him. I feel like that if I were a better person I would have been able to teach him empathy. Teach him to understand that his thoughts and feelings aren't the only one's that count. But then there is that part of me that says, "It's his choice to learn it! There is nothing more you can do than to tell him and show him." And I know that's right, and true. But do I feel any better? Sometimes.
And we have this move. I had hoped to move in July, but it looks like it's going to be August at the soonest. Maybe later. I don't want to homeschool anymore. Taylor has made it too difficult. She is lazy about school work and would rather clean the house than read a text book. I was the same way as a teenager, so I comprehend. But I was in public school, and didn't have a choice. Keeping her from getting an education is only going to hinder her, and I'm not going to let that happen. But put her back into Palmer High School? Where she will have to walk through pot smoke to get to classes? And deal with teachers who don't care? Or teachers who judge a student by their athleticism or personality? I don't want that either!
If your gay, it's ok. If your Emo, that's fine too. But if you are shy and quiet, then there is something wrong with you and you fail math. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!
Ben has a blog, I think it's private because I had to log onto it. But in the blog he talks about how he's tired of "the BS" he had to go through to go on a mission. The BS he refers to is meeting with the Bishop and the Bishop trying to get him to understand somethings. But he refuses to humble himself and listen to the spirit or the Bishop. I told him to read his Patriarchal Blessing, and he refuses to do that too. But I know why, he knows that he will have to humble himself if he does.
So why do we fight so hard against the Truth! I think I did the same thing as a teen. I knew the church to be true, I always have, yet I still chose to make mistakes. I should have been like Nephi, but I was more like Laman and Lemuel.
I know what Ben is doing is wrong, the choices he is making is wrong. Yet, he won't listen to me. If I told him, no matter how I said it, he'd take it as criticism. He'd feel like I was attacking him, or saying he's a bad person. I know that many kids feel that way, and low self esteem is an issue of Ben's, which makes every comment, no matter how it's said, a personal attack. Which is why I think he won't listen to the Bishop. The Bishop didn't praise him for being the best person in the world, so that means the Bishop was being mean to him. Yes, this is all overly simplified, but still.
With all that is going on in this world, this is what I'm struggling with. Now that's it's all written down it feels so petty and inconsequential. I could have spent this time helping someone, but instead I'm sitting here typing. Remembering to keep your eye on the Prize is difficult. Especially, if it is an eternal one[prize].
I have my family that I have to look out for, care for, watch over and pray for. And I have Ben, too. Many tell me that I was a fool for taking him in, a fool for letting him stay so long and a fool for accepting him as family. And in some ways, I agree. But in most ways, I disagree. Our experiences are what make us stronger, struggles make us into better people, learning empathy is mandatory for a Christ like life.
It appears that Ben didn't learn much from living with us. Definitely not empathy. But he did teach us a lot, which I am grateful for. The kids have said, "If I start to act like Ben, hit me and tell me, and I'll stop!" I don't think there will be any hitting going on, but I think Taylor has learned to be less selfish because of his stay. The other kids are younger, so they probably won't remember how difficult it was living with him.
In a way, I feel like I failed him. I feel like that if I were a better person I would have been able to teach him empathy. Teach him to understand that his thoughts and feelings aren't the only one's that count. But then there is that part of me that says, "It's his choice to learn it! There is nothing more you can do than to tell him and show him." And I know that's right, and true. But do I feel any better? Sometimes.
And we have this move. I had hoped to move in July, but it looks like it's going to be August at the soonest. Maybe later. I don't want to homeschool anymore. Taylor has made it too difficult. She is lazy about school work and would rather clean the house than read a text book. I was the same way as a teenager, so I comprehend. But I was in public school, and didn't have a choice. Keeping her from getting an education is only going to hinder her, and I'm not going to let that happen. But put her back into Palmer High School? Where she will have to walk through pot smoke to get to classes? And deal with teachers who don't care? Or teachers who judge a student by their athleticism or personality? I don't want that either!
If your gay, it's ok. If your Emo, that's fine too. But if you are shy and quiet, then there is something wrong with you and you fail math. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!
Ben has a blog, I think it's private because I had to log onto it. But in the blog he talks about how he's tired of "the BS" he had to go through to go on a mission. The BS he refers to is meeting with the Bishop and the Bishop trying to get him to understand somethings. But he refuses to humble himself and listen to the spirit or the Bishop. I told him to read his Patriarchal Blessing, and he refuses to do that too. But I know why, he knows that he will have to humble himself if he does.
So why do we fight so hard against the Truth! I think I did the same thing as a teen. I knew the church to be true, I always have, yet I still chose to make mistakes. I should have been like Nephi, but I was more like Laman and Lemuel.
I know what Ben is doing is wrong, the choices he is making is wrong. Yet, he won't listen to me. If I told him, no matter how I said it, he'd take it as criticism. He'd feel like I was attacking him, or saying he's a bad person. I know that many kids feel that way, and low self esteem is an issue of Ben's, which makes every comment, no matter how it's said, a personal attack. Which is why I think he won't listen to the Bishop. The Bishop didn't praise him for being the best person in the world, so that means the Bishop was being mean to him. Yes, this is all overly simplified, but still.
With all that is going on in this world, this is what I'm struggling with. Now that's it's all written down it feels so petty and inconsequential. I could have spent this time helping someone, but instead I'm sitting here typing. Remembering to keep your eye on the Prize is difficult. Especially, if it is an eternal one[prize].
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
