Day 1 & 2 of the Photo Challange

I am smiling a little.  I just don't have an expressive face.  It's hard to take a self portrait with my camera!

I Rocked those stains!

Photo Challange

So I am taking the Photo Challenge that my dear friend Tammy found at pinterest.com.  Here are the challenges.


30 Day Photography Challenge

Day 1   Self Portrait
Day 2   What You Wore Today
Day 3   Clouds
Day 4   Something Green
Day 5   From A High Angle
Day 6   From A Low Angle
Day 7   Something That Makes You Smile
Day 8   A Bad Habit
Day 9   Someone You Love
Day 10 Childhood Memory
Day 11 Something Blue
Day 12 Sunset
Day 13 Yourself With 13 Things
Day 14 Eyes
Day 15 Silhouette
Day 16 Long Exposure
Day 17 Technology
Day 18 Your Shoes
Day 19 Something Orange
Day 20 Bokeh - It means blurred background.
Day 21 Faceless Self Portrait
Day 22 Hands
Day 23 Sunflare
Day 24 Animal
Day 25 Something Pink
Day 26 Close up
Day 27 From a distance
Day 28 Flowers
Day 29 Black and White
Day 30 Self Portrait

I am going to have to double up.  I want to have this done by the time we leave for Utah.  Which is in 24 days.  That will give me time to pack and get pictures taken of the area before we move.  Then I hope to put them all together to make a collage.

The humidity is killing me! And, one less tooth!

I just want to let anyone who might wonder why we are moving to Utah.  It's the humidity.  We have lived here in MA for 15 years and for 15 years I have prayed every summer to leave.  I hate the humidity.  I don't like the cold and snow.  Spring is too muddy and wet, and two weeks of fall just isn't enough for me.  So all of these other things that have facilitated our move are only happening because the humidity was killing me.  I have become allergic to latex and grapes because of the humidity.  And I can't drink apple juice anymore either, all because of the humidity.  My house is a mess right now, not because we have suitcases everywhere from camping, but from the humidity.

Also, I got a wisdom pulled today.  It happened so fast!  It was like a few seconds and bam!  It was out!  The last time I had a wisdom out it had taken a half hour of digging the broken tooth out of my gums!  I was so happy!  But unhappy because that was a lot of pain killer for such a short time!  I was numb from my jaw bone to my temple, from my ear to my nose!  And when I say nose, I mean my entire nose was numb, and my eye ball was numb, and my ear drum was numb!  I now know that I can still see, hear and smell when my senses are numb.  Not taste or touch though, isn't that funny?

Also, all our puppies are sold a long time ago.  They are almost fully grown and their families love them very much!  We won't be having any more puppies, however.

And just a warning for those out there who were wondering: (Found at the end of a news article)
Parents: be sure to add heroin to your list of "things not to give the kids," along with PCP,meth, nose-eating cocaine, and limb-eating crocodile. And every other illegal drug, really. 
Just go with ice cream.

Opportunity to Serve

The opportunity we have had to serve in Springfield has really helped my family!  At first, the younger three, were not at all interested in all the "work!"  But they have come around.  They definitely don't have the patience or strength to work for 3-4 hours like J and I do, but they do an awesome job every time!

I'm really grateful for the people who are letting us come into their yards and help out.  I have wanted to do something for our community since we moved in.  I have tried with the PTO and other school stuff, and it was just so unfulfilling!  The people were either not interested in receiving help or not interested in new idea's.  So I went to the library and they don't have a volunteer program for adults, just teens.  I also tried the YMCA, they are all paid positions.  Where the heck was I going to volunteer!  I did what I could with my photography, mostly teaching classes at church, because they were the only ones who seemed interested in my talent.

But now, after a tragedy, I have something I can do!  It's not my favorite thing to do, cleaning up trees, smashed garages, roofing tiles, gutters, glass, bird houses- one occupant I found didn't make it through, etc.  But I tell you what!  I have never been able to pick up such huge pieces of wood!  These logs are various sizes, but I find that I always have the energy to lift and carry them as far as I need to go.  And they aren't nearly as heavy as I think they should be.  I feel like there are Angels helping with the clean up.  Every time I lift a branch over my head to throw it on a pile that is 5ft high, or carry a log 30ft to the street, I know that I'm not doing it alone.  There is no way I am physically capable of doing that.

And the kids are really enjoying helping.  They love to play with the other children and compete to see who can carry more branches.  They love seeing the home owners smiling, grateful faces.  Even the dog behaved when we brought her.  Normally, she'd bark at new people, but the time we took her, she was quiet and sat on the lap of the homeowners son who is in a wheel chair, making that boy feel special.

A true family effort!

Alas, there is still more to do.  But we will enjoy it!  How could we not!?!

Auction

We have tried everything we can do, but we are stuck.  The house sells tomorrow.  Some unlucky person is going to buy this house and is going to have to deal with us living in it for a short time.  As well as all the problems with this monster.  I hope to move sooner than later, but it is what it is.  Part of me wants to cry and another part want to sing.

Jason spoke to a job recruiter and the recruiter mentioned that there are plenty of jobs available in Utah.  And that he suspects Jason should actually make MORE than what we do now!  It's shocked and hopeful, but I won't get my expectations up, that's when I seem to get cocky and the Lord humbles me soon after.

We are putting all our faith and trust in God.  He is the one that is going to make this work.  I am so afraid of moving out there!  I know all my Utah friends and family might not like this, but these are MY feelings!  And you have a right to be offended.  I'm sorry if you are though.  I HATE the idea of moving to Utah!  I want my kids to experience so many things, and not one of them is being saturated in "Mormon culture."  I know there are good people everywhere, I just hope my kids are able to find them.  I HATE having to trust other people's kids to behave!  I know my kids friends here are good kids, I know the parents are good.  But out there....unknown!  My fear is that 'they' might just putting on airs to pretend that 'they' are "good Mormons" and then I let me guard down and BAM! I found out I shouldn't have been so trusting!  Please, don't think I think I'm perfect, or even a "good Mormon", I try my best, and that's what matters.  So maybe I have no reason to worry.....

My fear is more based in the teenagers, not the adults.  Teenagers who party on Saturday night and in white shirts on Sunday morning.  What if my kids get into that crowd, the "No one will know", "It's not hurting anyone", "We all do it" crowd.  Do I trust my kids, not really.  Do I trust other people's kids, not on my life! I know kids are going to try things, do things, need to cut apron strings.  But out here, in MA, we have a moral/religious connection that helps bind us.  When everyone else has the same moral/religious inclinations, then I'm afraid it will be that much easier for the kids to let those binds loosen.

Maybe I worry too much.  But, I don't think so.  My goal is to maintain my strong family connections.  With in our immediate, but also with the extended family.  Whether we do so through vacations, phone calls, or Skype.  I think if I keep my family strong then we will do fine.  But I relax on family stuff, then they will suffer.

Struggling...

Sometimes you find yourself in a tough situation and you just don't know what the best thing to do is.  That is, obviously, where I find myself.

I have my family that I have to look out for, care for, watch over and pray for.  And I have Ben, too.  Many tell me that I was a fool for taking him in, a fool for letting him stay so long and a fool for accepting him as family.  And in some ways, I agree.  But in most ways, I disagree.  Our experiences are what make us stronger, struggles make us into better people, learning empathy is mandatory for a Christ like life.

It appears that Ben didn't learn much from living with us.  Definitely not empathy.  But he did teach us a lot, which I am grateful for.  The kids have said, "If I start to act like Ben, hit me and tell me, and I'll stop!"  I don't think there will be any hitting going on, but I think Taylor has learned to be less selfish because of his stay.  The other kids are younger, so they probably won't remember how difficult it was living with him.

In a way, I feel like I failed him.  I feel like that if I were a better person I would have been able to teach him empathy.  Teach him to understand that his thoughts and feelings aren't the only one's that count.  But then there is that part of me that says, "It's his choice to learn it!  There is nothing more you can do than to tell him and show him."  And I know that's right, and true.  But do I feel any better?  Sometimes.

And we have this move.  I had hoped to move in July, but it looks like it's going to be August at the soonest.  Maybe later.  I don't want to homeschool anymore.  Taylor has made it too difficult.  She is lazy about school work and would rather clean the house than read a text book.  I was the same way as a teenager, so I comprehend.  But I was in public school, and didn't have a choice.  Keeping her from getting an education is only going to hinder her, and I'm not going to let that happen.  But put her back into Palmer High School?  Where she will have to walk through pot smoke to get to classes?  And deal with teachers who don't care?  Or teachers who judge a student by their athleticism or personality?  I don't want that either!

If your gay, it's ok.  If your Emo, that's fine too.  But if you are shy and quiet, then there is something wrong with you and you fail math.  IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!

Ben has a blog, I think it's private because I had to log onto it.  But in the blog he talks about how he's tired of "the BS" he had to go through to go on a mission.  The BS he refers to is meeting with the Bishop and the Bishop trying to get him to understand somethings.  But he refuses to humble himself and listen to the spirit or the Bishop.  I told him to read his Patriarchal Blessing, and he refuses to do that too.  But I know why, he knows that he will have to humble himself if he does.

So why do we fight so hard against the Truth!  I think I did the same thing as a teen.  I knew the church to be true, I always have, yet I still chose to make mistakes.  I should have been like Nephi, but I was more like Laman and Lemuel.

I know what Ben is doing is wrong, the choices he is making is wrong.  Yet, he won't listen to me.  If I told him, no matter how I said it, he'd take it as criticism.  He'd feel like I was attacking him, or saying he's a bad person.  I know that many kids feel that way, and low self esteem is an issue of Ben's, which makes every comment, no matter how it's said, a personal attack.  Which is why I think he won't listen to the Bishop.  The Bishop didn't praise him for being the best person in the world, so that means the Bishop was being mean to him.  Yes, this is all overly simplified, but still.

With all that is going on in this world, this is what I'm struggling with.  Now that's it's all written down it feels so petty and inconsequential.  I could have spent this time helping someone, but instead I'm sitting here typing.  Remembering to keep your eye on the Prize is difficult.  Especially, if it is an eternal one[prize].

City Living

Last Saturday, Jason and I went to Gail's house to then head over to a friend of hers.  Her friend had wood for Gail to use to warm her house in the winter.  On the way home we saw the police had cordoned off an entire parking lot.  In the parking lot I saw spent gun shells with those little markers that you see in CSI showing the places where the bullets had landed.  People were crying, hugging.  There was much distress.  I could tell, from in my heart, that someone had died.  A few days later I heard on the news that two people were murdered and there was a shoot out with the police.  Two officers had been shot, but both survived because of their bullet proof vests.  The murderer was an escapee from a jail somewhere in the state.

Today I found out that Taylor's nest friend Melany has a friend missing.  She disappeared after school and has been gone for two days.  The police have been notified, but I haven't heard an Amber Alert.  I don't know why. Maybe because of all the news with Osama bin Laden.

My heart ached when I saw the pain on those peoples faces in the aftermath of the shoot out.  And it pains me more now, knowing that there is a possibility that this girl could be the next Molly Bish, or pushed into prostitution and drugs.  She is only 14 or 15 years old.  She's just a tiny thing of 5'2" and weighted only about 100lbs.

Oh, how I wish for the Second Coming of Christ.  I wish the evil would be burned from me and this planet.  So these evils will be put to and end.  If I am not worthy, then I wish to be burned and purified in Christ.

I don't understand how people can do to each other what they do.  I was reading online about the images of bin Laden, release them, don't release them.  No one know's what is best to do.  They did release at least two photo's. This particular website posted images of the twin towers, a man falling from them and more, as well as images of a solider who had been captured, strung up on a bridge and burned.  It also showed a beheaded American worker who had been kidnapped.  The evil done in the name of God is sickening.  But just as horrible is the evil done in no one's name at all.  The evil done for the gain of one person.

Where is the news story of this little girl? Why is no one letting the public know that we need to be looking for her!